New year, new beginnings

Hey everyone! I've been meaning to set up this blog site for awhile since I don't care too much for the notes or blogs that facebook lets you put up, and finally I got around to doing it! Check back often, as I'll be writing blogs here and there to chronicle the things going on in my life. While this journal type blog will be like a window to my soul sometimes, read at your own risk because I'll warn you (like the title says), my mind can be a scary place! :) So anyway, to start off, here is what has been on my mind during these last few weeks of 2009.........

I've been realizing how more and more I'm really growing up. I know that sounds silly because I have been grown for awhile now, but with my first real career job, and impending marriage, this is the first time it's seemed real. While I am loving every minute of how my life is changing, I've always been a little resistant to change, and so I'm finding myself very reminiscent, you could say. I guess everyone tends to look back on their lives around this time of year, while they plan out what their New Year's resolution will be, or just reminisce on the good and/or bad times. But for me, this year ending seems to be symbolic, because many things in my life will also be ending here soon. Maybe it's because I'm also at that turning point age, 25, where you are in the middle of that partying/life-is-all-about-me-and-having-fun stage, and the it's-time-to-grow-up-and-focus-on-the-bigger-picture stage, but I do feel like I'm at a crossroads.

I know that in 2010 I will be embarking on the next chapter of my life, getting married and starting a family, and I'll be the first one to say I couldn't be happier about this chapter. It's all I've ever wanted in my life, and I can't wait to take that journey with Matt. So that's why I'm a little confused as to why part of me is sad that my life as I know it now will be changing. I know I will always have my friends, but I'm a little sad just knowing that once I'm married I won't get to see them as often, or hang out like we used to. I know that God has wonderful things planned for my future as a wife and mother, it's just a little strange knowing that these next 7 months will be like chapter endings to my life, and that as a "real" adult, life will be different.

Like New Year's Eve, for instance......the last few years we've really toned it down anyway, which happens as you get older, right? But earlier I was thinking that since next Christmas and New Year's Eve we plan on being pregnant (that's the plan, anyway), this was my last Christmas as a single (not married) woman without children. And on Thursday, this New Year's Eve will be my last chance to "go all out" and do whatever I want without having to worry about a babysitter or other stuff. Now I don't really care to go all out, but knowing that it's my last chance (at least for awhile anyway) gives me a kind of sad feeling, and makes me wanna go crazy, just for the hell of it.

I guess this is just a natural part of life, and I have to give it up to God, right? And trust that the next chapter He writes in my life will be much better and enriching than the last.....after all, starting a family of your own is what life's all about, right?