Selfishness: To Be, Or Not To Be?

I am really getting into the blog swing of things, aren't I? 2 in one weekend!

So, lately I've really been thinking about selfishness. My selfishness, others' selfishness, and selfishness in the world. I always used to think of it as a bad thing, but more recently I've seen that sometimes there is a need to be selfish in life. I've never considered myself to be selfish in the aspect that I only care about myself and my own wants and needs. I think I've always done a good job of being there for others, and giving of myself even when I don't quite have the stamina to do it, or get anything out of it. I've never cared about getting anything back in return, I just cared about being a good, kind person and trying to be Christ-like and altruistic in my endeavors. When others said I was being weak, or letting others walk all over me and take advantage, I brushed it aside and thought, "No, I'm just being a good friend no matter what."

But now I'm starting to see the light, so to speak. So I ask, when should you stop and say "Hold on now, I'm done being taken advantage of and made to feel this way." When does selfishness go from being necessary, to just plain mean and needy and non-understanding? I've learned lately that there is a fine line. When is it okay to take a second and say I really need to be selfish for myself in this situation?

I never thought of selfishness of a good kind in the past, because I've only experienced it from others in a needy, "me, me, me" kind of way. But now that I'm married and have a baby on the way (sorry guys, I know I relate everything back to being a wife and mommy), I see that there are times when you must be selfish for the wellbeing of your family, even if it's at the cost of others' happiness and what they want. I am learning that being a wife and mother means that I can and should be selfish in certain instances to look out for my family and what they want and need. I haven't always done that, and I may have been a little selfish in ways I'm just now understanding, but I see now. I see that it's okay for me to be selfish, and not do things or be there for other friends or family sometimes. Because that's part of life. As much as I don't like the sound of this, my life isn't about partying, and friends, and being there for any and everyone in my life 24/7. There is a time for that, yes, but more importantly, there is a time for being selfish in my own right, and do what I need for my husband and baby to be. And I think I deserve that right now. I deserve, after all the sacrifices, and selfless giving I've given over the years, to say "Hey, enough is enough! This is my time to get what I need, and not worry about others." So that's how I'll be living my life. Now I'll still be giving and selfless....I'm not saying I'm going to go all out and be crazy selfish in the bad sense....only in the necessary sense. I know what it says about being selfish in the bible, so that conflicts me when I think about all the selflessness God has shown, and shows everyday for us.

So, I started thinking again.....maybe there isn't an "acceptable" selfishness after all......maybe what I'm feeling is a need to have a good balance between giving selflessly to friends, family, and others in this world, while still taking care of myself and family and being responsible, without letting others walk all over me and make me feel bad for it. No one can make me feel bad, without me accepting that first, and I'm not going to do it anymore. So is there a "good" and "bad" selfishness? I'm still not sure, but I do know that this is something people in the world should really give a lot of thought to. I know it's a lot more complex than just what I've expressed here....there's many other facets a person can look at. My goal is just to make sure I have balance and the lines aren't blurred between giving of myself, and taking care of myself and family.

Baby update....sorry, there's not much else going on in my life!

Since I'm trying to get more into writing blogs, I've been getting ideas from other friend's pages lately. So I stole this 5 question survey from a friend, and thought I would post it here...

1. Where did you meet your spouse and did you instantly know it was love?

We met through mutual friends at random parties and gatherings.....I didn't know it was love instantly, because our relationship started off slow....but once it got started, I knew he was the man I was going to marry. :)

2. What is your favorite room in your house?

Right now, it is our living room, because it's the only room that has a tv, and I love the movie/tv date nights with the hubs lounging around on the couch.....once we finish our bedroom though and get a tv in there, I think there will be many a night laying around in bed.

3. Can you wiggle your ears?
Nope lol.

4. What is your evening ritual?
It's become quite different since I've gotten pregnant....Come home, get a snack, (or dinner depending on the time), watch tv/read/facebook or play online/grade papers while lounging, then go to bed around 9-10pm. On the weekends, if we are staying in, it's pretty much the same....if we go out, it just depends.

5. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
I'm chronically tired 24/7, so I think I need at least 7-8....if I had to, I could do it on less, but not 100%.

Anyway, January has continued to not let me down so far! Work has been super busy lately, but things are working out. I have been better about using prayer more often to help me de-stress, and I feel more and more refreshed everyday.

Now that I am in my 2nd trimester most of the sickness has gone away, although I still get a lot of acid reflux after dinnertime, and the headaches my doctor warned me about have really picked up. I'm glad that there is some medicine I can take while prego, but I still don't want to depend on that because I'd like to take the least amount of meds as possible just to be on the safe side.

Here is some info from my pregnancy calendar at week 16 (Even though I'm almost 17 weeks now).

Over the past three weeks your astounding growing baby has managed to stretch yet another 2 full inches (totaling about 4.5 inches) and weighs around 3.5 ounces. Yessireee, that’s some pretty serious growth... and with it comes several physical developments! For starters, their head to body ratio is finally starting to even out a bit as the rest of the body is actually growing faster than the head at this point. Yes, your little light bulb is not so top-heavy. Their adorable little limbs have lengthened, almost reaching their normal proportions which they will have at birth. Their eyes are still closed but moving and if you had an ultrasound, which many doctors recommend you have at about this time, you may even see your little one sucking on a thumb, not to mention the necessary signifiers to let you know whether you’ve got a wee lad or lassie.

So our next appointment is Tuesday, and we probably could find out the sex, but since I'm not getting an ultrasound at this appointment, I'll probably have to wait about 3 more weeks until my next appointment. I cannot wait though, I've been thinking about my baby shower and looking at baby stuff to register for since the moment I found out I was pregnant, and once we find out the sex, we can finally make more finalized plans! I am amazed that in just a few weeks I will be half way though the pregnancy....it doesn't seem like it's been that long since we found out, but it's been almost 3 months. I can't believe it!!

So anyway, I feel like I haven't had much to talk about but babies, but that's all that's really been going on lately, so sorry if it's boring you. LOL. In other news, I am trying to look for more decorating tips, and we are buying some furniture soon, so now that I'm starting to look more into all that, I will post more pics and ideas I have for things I like. I'm about to go hardcore into some scrapbooking, so I'll update more on that when I get there. My first goal is to spend less time on the computer, so I have more time to do the other things I'm really interested in. So we'll see! :)

Changes

So, as I look around at other blogs, I got so many cute ideas for making my blog cute, like putting up pictures, and adding fun little things here and there, but since technology and I don't mix, I got discouraged because it seems like too much effort lol. But I am adamant about trying, and keeping up with this blog, so I figured it was time to write again.

We are 8 days into 2011, and it's already starting off great. I am still feeling sick at night, but since it's the same time every night, my doctor thought I might have acid reflux, so since I've started taking Pepcid AC I have felt so much better! I thought it was odd because I've never had acid reflux before, but apparently some women get it just while they're pregnant. I sure hope it goes away after the baby is here! Other than that, I'm feeling better as I get into my 2nd trimester. I'm 14 weeks and 4 days today, and I am getting bigger and bigger each day, but I don't think I've gained too much excess weight so far, so that's good. That's something I've been worried about because I don't wanna gain anything extra that is not for baby. I am starting to show, and my clothes are tight, so I broke down and started wearing maternity clothes. They are actually quite comfy, and I hate to say that I wish I could wear clothes like this even when I'm not prego! Haha! Anyway, I am starting to enjoy being pregnant a lot more, now that I am feeling better, I'm still tired 24/7, but I was like that before the pregnancy. We can't wait to find out the sex of the baby, and although we are hoping for a girl, we will be happy with a boy also. We just want a healthy baby no matter what. I'm actually enjoying the thought of having a boy a little bit more now, because the stores actually carry cuter boy stuff, or at least, more of a selection when it comes to bedding, clothes, and cute little things. So we'll be fine with whatever God wants to give us.

I have already started planning our "gender party" for close family and friends, and that has been fun. I know the new thing is for the couple to find out the sex at the party with everyone else around, but we want that moment to be intimate and special for just the two of us, so we are going to have the gender party just to reveal the sex to others, and we are going to find out alone. That should happen in about 5 or 6 weeks, depending on our lil nugget's cooperation. :) I can't wait though, because I want to start buying stuff and registering! I know we can still get some unisex stuff already, but I really don't want a lot of unisex clothes for baby. Some are okay, but I really want mostly girl or boy stuff depending on what it is. I know that's bad, but I can't help it. :)

Anyway, I am so excited for what God is planning for our future. Lately I've been feeling a little upset about some things, but I know in the long run it's not going to be important. It's been interesting to see some people change their perception of me, and how they act towards me now that I'm pregnant. I know that things change in many ways once you have a baby, and Matt and I are both happy about those changes because we know they are for the better, not for the worse. But it's a little disheartening when we both have some people that are supposedly friends who start treating you like your life is over, and that having a baby is such a horrible thing because you can't do certain things, like going out drinking all night and stuff. Well, newflash: I don't want to have that lifestyle, where I waste away each day just partying emptilessly (I know that's not a word, but it feels like the best description of what I'm trying to say). I'm fine with not partying, I'm fine with staying home and being with my husband, I'm fine with staying home with my baby, or instead of crazy parties, going to kids birthday parties or functions. That's what life is all about, and that's what I look forward to and want as I grow older. And that doesn't make me "old", or "boring". I understand that we know people who are in different places in their lives, and that's fine---I don't knock them for the lifestyles they choose, so it makes me sad that they would knock me for wanting to grow up and have a family. Just because I've grown up doesn't mean I've lost who I am, or lost my childlike spirit or zest for life. Maybe I'm naive, but I just always thought that even though my friends and I may be in different places in our lives, I didn't think that getting married and having a baby would cause them to look at me differently or change our friendship. Okay, change maybe in some ways, but not dissolve. And I thought the changes that happened would be for the better. But now I'm starting to see that that's happening, and while I was sad at first, I know now that God has put the people that we need in our lives, and if some people don't want to stay in our lives now that we are married and have a baby on the way, then that's fine. I really don't mind....I want friends that are going to uplift me, and be happy for the awesome milestones and changes in my life, and want to share them with me. Because when the time is right for my friends to go through these life changes, I can't wait to be there to celebrate and share those things with them. And if they don't ever want those things, that's fine too....I don't knock them for not ever wanting to get married or have a baby.

So, I've realized now more than ever that there are some people who are meant to be in your life a short time only, and there are true friends that God gives you for a lifetime, no matter what kind of changes occur. And I'm so happy that I have a great group of select few friends who I know will be there until the end of time....well, my time. :)

Sorry for the long blog, I have just really wanted to vent about some of these things lately. I'm so excited for what God is doing in our lives, and I know what's really important in the long run. Stay tuned until next time, I have a lot more to post and update everyone on, just don't have the time now. :)