Awesome poem!!!

I came across this poem the other day through my preemie support group website, and wanted to share it. It made my cry, it's so sweet....and a wonderful reminder that God has a purpose for each of our lives, and hand picks and designs our children specifically for us. 

How Preemie Moms Are Chosen
(Erma Bombeck)

Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen?
Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation.

As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.

"Beth Armstrong, son. Patron Saint, Matthew.

Marjorie Forrest, daughter.Patron Saint, Celia.

Carrie Rutledge, twins. Patron Saint ... give her Gerard. He's used to profanity.

"Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a preemie.

"The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God.

"Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel."

"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it.

I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother.

You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own.

She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."

"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that.
This one is perfect.She has just the right amount of selfishness.

"The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive.
Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.

She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied.

She will never take for granted a spoken word.

She will never consider a step ordinary.

When her child says 'mama' for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it.

I will permit her to see clearly the things I see ignorance, cruelty, prejudice and allow her to rise above them.

She will never be alone.

I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

Faith in the good times, Faith in the bad times

So last time I was a little annoyed and overwhelmed, and now I am much more refreshed....venting and getting feelings off your chest really can do good sometimes! Today I am feeling thankful or what I do have...things have been crazy and hard, but at the same time wonderful, and I couldn't ask for a better journey to be on, and for a better family to be on this journey with. 

I am loving how God uses things and people in your life to bring you closer to Him and strengthen your trust in Him. I've never seen that as clearly in my life as I have in the last year or so, and especially the last few months. Everything really does happen for a reason and I've been able to see that without certain hardships in life we may not ever learn to fully rely on God and give up complete control to Him. I am seeing that right now with our financial struggles. When we made the decision for me to stay at home with Katelyn, we planned it out, and we were doing okay then, so we agreed that we would do it as long as we financially could handle it. Most people probably know that lately we have been struggling and not sure we can handle it much longer now....so  we are now facing the decision for me to go back to work or stay at home. It has been so hard, but I am fully leaving it in God's hands. I know in my heart that I am meant to be a stay at home mom, and I really believe that is what God wants and is His plan for me as well...but I also have no problem working for awhile to help us get back on track, so I'm going to be substitute teaching, which is the kind of flexible job I need to still be able to still meet Katelyn's needs....but I still don't know if that's going to be enough, and so I've been praying for some kind of resolution, or opportunity from God that will allow us to be stable enough for me to stay home and not have to find a higher paying, more demanding job than what subbing offers. I know God is faithful and I've been praying that if I am truly meant to stay home full time that He will open a door with an opportunity that will allow that to happen....whether it be a promotion or raise for my husband, or somehow coming into a big sum of money, or even lessening our debt somehow, I know that He will provide that opportunity. And, if His Will is for me to indeed go back to work full or part time, I know that He will open a door with an opportunity for that. While I still worry sometimes, I am finding myself stopping that kind of thinking more and more and just giving it to God in that moment. Some people may think that is silly and I'm just sitting around doing nothing to try to change my financial situation, but I know that it is not my battle to fight....God doesn't want me to try to fight it and take care of it myself....it is His battle, and He will fight it for me and provide what we need. 

So right now I'm waiting on Him to show me what it is He wants me to do. It's hard, but there is no other option but to have faith and trust. I'm actively waiting, I guess I should say, because I'm still pursuing subbing or other on the side jobs that still allow me to be with Katelyn when needed....which would be ideal, but we will just wait and see how everything turns out. I am trusting what I know, and what I know is that God is a faithful God and will never give us more than we can handle. That, along with my women's bible study is what is helping me hold on. That's another thing......my women's bible study is AMAZING!! I love how God works....He knew exactly what I needed and when I needed it.....my Wisdom for Mothers study is a lifesaver, and I am so thankful for God's timing in bringing this to me. It's so wonderful to meet other moms who have the same struggles that I am having as a mom, wife, and woman, and I am loving learning biblical solutions to handle the demands of motherhood, and awesome mothering skills to help bring up Katelyn as a godly person. Tuesdays are now my favorite day of the week. Lol. I am so glad I found this study while Katelyn is so young....it is completely transforming the course of my mommyhood! And on top of it all, it is helping me to get more in depth into the bible and that in and of itself is its own lifesaver! :) I love reading the bible regularly anyway, but this study is forcing me to get more deep with is, and I love that! 

Anyway, that's my life as of late. Faith in the good times, Faith in the bad times. I can't complain (even though I do at times, lol.....but God always brings me back to where I need to be somehow). I am learning to love life through the struggles and imperfections, and just give it all up to God. 

A little venting sometimes can do a lot of good :)

It's been hard to find time to blog lately, seeing that when Katelyn naps, I use that time for showering, cleaning, and trying to nap myself. Haha, that last one was a good one...nap myself! (Like that ever REALLY gets to happen....whoever said to "sleep when baby sleeps" must not have children...either that, or she is superwoman and can do it all.) 


Anyway, things have been steadily getting better, as far as babygirl goes. She's now almost 6 months old, but about 3-4 months adjusted. Although she has a touch of colic and tummy issues and cries quite a bit, now that she's getting bigger, she is sleeping a little better at night--courtesy of the gripe water we've started giving her to calm her tummy down. That stuff works miracles! It's still hard, but getting a lot more manageable...I've been stressing because she isn't yet caught up, and I've had a hard time comparing her to other babies her age, but once I started to keep in mind her adjusted age and not compare her, I had much more peace of mind. It's just that having a preemie is hard! Everyone thinks it's all fine and dandy once the baby comes home from the NICU, but they don't understand that there's so much more care that goes into it....there are so many things we have to do differently, or just be mindful of  "because she's a preemie", that most parents don't have to worry about. Sometimes I just want to be able to take "general" baby tips/advice  that can be applied to her....I don't want to have to say, "Well, because she's a preemie that might not work for her...." to everything! I love her so much, and am so grateful that God took care of her and answered our prayers, and I am thankful for the journey He put us on, but sometimes I wish that I didn't have to worry about all this preemie stuff, and she didn't always have to have personalized care and I could just go with the flow sometimes.  Anyway, I guess I should stop griping and be thankful (maybe I need some gripe water, lol), it's just good to vent sometimes.....


In other news, well.......well, these days I don't normally have other news since everything is always about Katelyn! Lol. I guess I need to get a life again outside mommyhood, huh? Although I have been thinking about lots of other things lately, just life changes and all that good stuff. It's been hard, fun, weird, and interesting seeing myself go through life stages and changing as I have....as well as others around me. In high school, I was so in la-la land, with such grandiose, "romantic" ideals about life, love, marriage and babies....it's been funny to see those thoughts and ideals get revised as I've grown and had more life experiences...through college in another city, and college at home, to dating, marriage and a baby.....it has been a whirlwind, and I wouldn't change a single part of my journey, for I would not be who I am today if not for those experiences. 
I get a little sad, and nostalgic sometimes to think of some of the changes that have happened in my life, but I know that it is part of life, and that sometimes things we don't want to happen are necessary to keep us on the path we are supposed to be on. 
I knew things (as far as lifestyle choices, relationships/friendships, and life goals) would change once I got pregnant, because I saw those people and their attitudes change basically overnight right before my eyes, but it still hit hard. I never believed the whole  "people who don't have children don't understand until they have their own" saying, but once I experienced it firsthand, I knew that it is so crazy true. Having a child does not put me on a better, or higher "level" than others, but parenthood really is on a different level, all its own. And I get it now....it's hard for people who don't have kids to really know how it is. They can only empathize to a certain extent. I think that has been one of the hardest things to swallow in becoming a new parent....accepting the relational changes that are bound to occur. Of course I was expecting me to change, for the better..... but I wasn't prepared for others in my life to change, and their viewpoint of me and my life, to change. Sometimes I just want to scream to people, "Don't pity me for having a baby! I'm fine, I'm happy, it's not a disease, a disorder, or anything wrong with me, so stop acting like it!" I always thought that even when friends were in different places in their lives that it was okay, and that friends could go along with life down separate paths and still be able to come back and meet in the middle of the proverbial "fork in the road" and still remain close with a little maintenance. But I learned that it takes maintenance on both ends...friendships constantly require upkeep from all parties involved, and when the other parties don't want to do the upkeep or try, there's not much else I can really do. It's just weird, because I always knew that the dynamics of how my friendships worked would change when Katelyn was born, but I never expected the actual relationships to change, or become stagnant and distant, and taper off. I guess I'll never understand it. All I know is that the only people I want to raise Katelyn around are those who put in the effort to stay in my life, so she has a good example of the kind of relationships/friendships she should pursue in her life. I want Godly, lasting friendships, not fickle ones that go wherever the wind takes em. I don't mean to be complaining about this, I'm just having a hard time with it. I could go on and on, but I won't anymore. I'm too drained, so I'm gonna leave this unfinished. Blah.