2011 Reflection and Year-end Review

It's been awhile since I've blogged, but time has eluded me lately. Here it is, the last day of 2011, and Katelyn turned 8 months old yesterday. We were out of internet and tv the last few days, so that gave me lots of time to just relax without technology and reflect on how this year has been, and all the blessings and hardships that made up this year. 


I was thinking about the whole year and all the changes that have occurred for Matt and I, and as trying and hard as it has been, this year has been the best by far. I was thinking of each month, and realized I could break it down monthly.


January 2011: Coming into a new year about 4 months pregnant was fun and challenging at the same time. I was in my 2nd trimester, and was overcome with all the yet unknown changes 2011 was going to bring with a new baby.


February 2011: Valentine's Day was extra special....we found out we were having a girl (what we were hoping for, although a boy would've been wonderful too), and we had a gender reveal party to announce it to all our family and friends. I also started obsessing over the nursery. I was nesting BIGTIME by this point! 


March 2011: We were still planning the nursery, registering, and getting ready for baby, but I was growing and getting more uncomfortable by the day! Being pregnant and working at the same time was beginning to have a very bad effect on me, creating a lot of stress. Also, I have no idea how I got through going to the rodeo to see Brad Paisley at 24 weeks pregnant, with all the walking, but I did. It was fun but I realized I will never go to the rodeo pregnant again unless I am very early and not showing yet. That was a lot of weight to be carrying around! This was also the month I started having some issues and seeing the doctor almost weekly to monitor.


April 2011: The month of surprises....dun dun DUUUUN!! The beginning of this month was very active, and looking back I wish I would've taken care of myself better and let others do more for me and taken it more easy. I think that is partially the reason for the onset of complications, ultimately resulting in Katelyn coming so early. I had been seeing the doctor a lot, to monitor her low birth weight, low blood flow and oxygen getting to her through the umbilical cord, low amniotic fluid levels, and my "crappy placenta", as my doctor called it, and also, my cervix starting to thin out (which is a sign that labor is not far off.) All of these things were a cause for concern and extra monitoring. Easter came and went and in a matter of a week, I blew up with edema horribly, and the onset of my preeclampsia came rapidly and I was admitted to the hospital. All this led up to giving birth through an emergency c-section when I was 30 weeks pregnant to our miracle, only 2 pounds, 9 ounces. This was the start of our life-changing journey, and Katelyn's 6 week stay in the NICU. I am so grateful for all the prayers and that God was there the entire time looking out for us. 


May 2011: Probably the best and worst month of my life. I was discharged from the hospital without my baby girl, and that was THE hardest thing ever. Especially since as we were embarking on the wheelchair ride down to the car, another couple was leaving at the same time next to us--with their baby in their arms. I just about broke down. That was the first and only time I can ever say that I actually didn't want to leave a hospital. I just went into Katelyn's nursery and bawling forever when we got home. I knew she was where she needed to be to get better, but it was still hard. It was hard trying to recover from the c-section also, but a few days later, I celebrated my first Mother's Day with my baby in the NICU....and got the best gift--holding her for the first time, only 8 days old. Words cannot express that feeling, so I won't even try. On top of all this stress, my aunt, who is very very special passed away just 2 weeks after Katelyn was born, the first of my 9 aunts and uncles on my mom's side. Other things that month: my 27th birthday, Katelyn's first holiday (Memorial Day), and numerous trips to visit Katelyn in the NICU. I especially loved when we got to bottle feed her for the first time. I was one proud mama!


June 2011: Busy month! Katelyn came home on June 7th, at 4 pounds, 5 ounces. And oh how the fun started!! I won't even get into details about all the changes, but it was crazy and wonderful all at the same time. Hubby and I were pretty much zombies lol. Numerous doctor appointments, adjusting to a baby at home, let alone a preemie with different and specific needs, and little sleep made for a month that flew by that I barely remember. Matt also celebrated his first Father's Day, Katelyn attended her first wedding and had her first "vacation" to Conroe (Aunt Angela and Uncle Kenny), and that was definitely a new experience for us as well!


July 2011: Still adusting to parenthood....Katelyn celebrated her first "real" holiday, at least her first one at home: 4th of July, which was also her original due date. She looked amazing in her Build-A-Bear 4th of July outfit, lol! At this point, her preemie clothes were still to big for her. :) She slept most of the time, but definitely cried a lot also. She was also the "belle of the ball", at her homecoming party on July 9th, in her beautiful pink tutu and monogrammed K onesie. It was such a memorable, wonderful day. The rest of the month entailed more adjustments and doctors appointments, focusing on getting Katelyn to gain weight, and she did wonderful with it. Matt also celebrated his first birthday as a parent, and we also got to celebrate our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! We are so thankful for Matt's mom and sister who babysat so we could have a nice lunch and afternoon together. We were expecting to get to celebrate our 1st wedding anniversary on a nice, tropical beach somewhere, but when I got pregnant, we realized that would have to wait. Maybe for out 3 or 4 year anniversary. :) It was still great though! 

August 2011: Pretty uneventful, except all the baby stuff. Katelyn was starting to do more, and her colic was getting worse. She got to attend her very first birthday party (for cousin Kayla, at Chuck E. Cheese) lol. This was also a special month, because on August 28th she had her baby dedication ceremony at church, where we dedicated her to God, and committed ourselves to raising her as a Christian, and teaching her all about God. 


September 2011: More birthday events, and getting Katelyn to gain weight. She was doing pretty well, but by this point her tummy issues were getting worse. It was a stressful time, but we enjoyed every second of having her around. On Sept. 10th, Katelyn stayed overnight with her Nana, which was the first time she stayed anywhere overnight. I tried relaxing, but I was still worried the whole night lol. This month Katelyn started hitting at and grabbing toys. She was loving tummy time on her playmat, and trying to hold her head up even though she wasn't quite there yet. I also began my AMAZING Wisdom For Mothers bible study, on Tuesday mornings, which changed and saved my life. Seriously, it saved my life. 


October 2011: This month I was obsessed with preparing for Katelyn's first Halloween. She was a ladybug, and we went trick or treating with Kayla and Kurt. She was fussy, lol.....but mommy and daddy had a great time. And got tons of pictures. At this point Katelyn was laughing and smiling, and we were absolutely in love with her. She rolled over from her tummy to back, and I missed it the first time, but Matt saw it. She tried scooting around, but was frustrated after no success. This month there were many developments and milestones, and we were very proud parents. Katelyn was still having her fussy times at night, but sleeping a little more through the night--for the most part. With the power of prayer, I was getting through it. 


November 2011: Celebrated my sister Julie's wedding (Katelyn's 2nd of the year!), and the start of all the holidays. RSV season started, and we were busy with millions of doctor appointments...Katelyn started getting her first dose of RSV shots. That is the worst thing, having to see your baby cry when getting shots...but I knew it was for the best! We celebrated her first Thanksgiving, and had a blast! This month, Katelyn's sleeping patterns started to get crazy again, and she was having lots of issues. But she started teething, so that was the main reason why. 


December 2011: The last month of the year! We had  a busy but wonderful time with many family Christmas gatherings, and lots of bows and wonderful Christmas outfits! Katelyn's personality has grown more and more at this point, and we were having so much fun learning and watching who she is going to become. Watching her play, try to sit up, rolling over, trying to talk and coo (we loved her "gremlin grunts", as we called it), and wanting to crawl and walk but not knowing how just yet, has been the most fun part of this month! We are still trying to get her to sleep through the night and in her own crib, so that has been quite stressful....but we know it will come. 


So, that's my monthly year in review. I could've gone on and on more about a million other things, but I realized that would've been boring to anyone except me! :)  I have learned so much this year, and while it was hard and stressful, and there were many sleepless nights, crying, praying to God for guidance and to just get through the sleepless night, I wouldn't trade it for the world. As trying as our circumstances were, and adjusting to a new baby, it was all worth it. I know and trust in God's reasons, whatever they may be, for putting us on this journey the way He did, and I am so grateful for it all. God knew that Matt and I needed this situation to happen for whatever reason, to change us and mold us into better people, and better parents than we would've been if not for this situation. I am amazed at how much I've learned about how miraculous, yet fragile life is, and how faithful God is. Going through everything with Katelyn this year has tested my faith, and shook me to the core, but I was able to get through it with the power of prayer, and the grace of our awesome God. I couldn't have done it without Him. And the wonderful support of my husband, and family. AND, the angels on earth, the NICU nurses and doctors. I know that God hand-picked Katelyn especially for Matt and I, and I couldn't be more happy and proud that she is our beautiful daughter. 2011 had many challenges and blessings for us, but the greatest blessing of all, our baby girl, completely makes up for all the challenges. I look forward to what God is bringing to our lives for 2012, for myself as a person, and for me as a mother and wife. I know He has great things in store. I am sad to see 2011 go in some ways, but can't wait to continue this journey we are embarking on. 
I hope 2012 is a year filled with sweet, wonderful blessings for everyone. Have a Happy New Year! 

Awesome poem!!!

I came across this poem the other day through my preemie support group website, and wanted to share it. It made my cry, it's so sweet....and a wonderful reminder that God has a purpose for each of our lives, and hand picks and designs our children specifically for us. 

How Preemie Moms Are Chosen
(Erma Bombeck)

Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen?
Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation.

As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.

"Beth Armstrong, son. Patron Saint, Matthew.

Marjorie Forrest, daughter.Patron Saint, Celia.

Carrie Rutledge, twins. Patron Saint ... give her Gerard. He's used to profanity.

"Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a preemie.

"The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God.

"Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel."

"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it.

I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother.

You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own.

She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."

"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that.
This one is perfect.She has just the right amount of selfishness.

"The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive.
Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.

She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied.

She will never take for granted a spoken word.

She will never consider a step ordinary.

When her child says 'mama' for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it.

I will permit her to see clearly the things I see ignorance, cruelty, prejudice and allow her to rise above them.

She will never be alone.

I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

Faith in the good times, Faith in the bad times

So last time I was a little annoyed and overwhelmed, and now I am much more refreshed....venting and getting feelings off your chest really can do good sometimes! Today I am feeling thankful or what I do have...things have been crazy and hard, but at the same time wonderful, and I couldn't ask for a better journey to be on, and for a better family to be on this journey with. 

I am loving how God uses things and people in your life to bring you closer to Him and strengthen your trust in Him. I've never seen that as clearly in my life as I have in the last year or so, and especially the last few months. Everything really does happen for a reason and I've been able to see that without certain hardships in life we may not ever learn to fully rely on God and give up complete control to Him. I am seeing that right now with our financial struggles. When we made the decision for me to stay at home with Katelyn, we planned it out, and we were doing okay then, so we agreed that we would do it as long as we financially could handle it. Most people probably know that lately we have been struggling and not sure we can handle it much longer now....so  we are now facing the decision for me to go back to work or stay at home. It has been so hard, but I am fully leaving it in God's hands. I know in my heart that I am meant to be a stay at home mom, and I really believe that is what God wants and is His plan for me as well...but I also have no problem working for awhile to help us get back on track, so I'm going to be substitute teaching, which is the kind of flexible job I need to still be able to still meet Katelyn's needs....but I still don't know if that's going to be enough, and so I've been praying for some kind of resolution, or opportunity from God that will allow us to be stable enough for me to stay home and not have to find a higher paying, more demanding job than what subbing offers. I know God is faithful and I've been praying that if I am truly meant to stay home full time that He will open a door with an opportunity that will allow that to happen....whether it be a promotion or raise for my husband, or somehow coming into a big sum of money, or even lessening our debt somehow, I know that He will provide that opportunity. And, if His Will is for me to indeed go back to work full or part time, I know that He will open a door with an opportunity for that. While I still worry sometimes, I am finding myself stopping that kind of thinking more and more and just giving it to God in that moment. Some people may think that is silly and I'm just sitting around doing nothing to try to change my financial situation, but I know that it is not my battle to fight....God doesn't want me to try to fight it and take care of it myself....it is His battle, and He will fight it for me and provide what we need. 

So right now I'm waiting on Him to show me what it is He wants me to do. It's hard, but there is no other option but to have faith and trust. I'm actively waiting, I guess I should say, because I'm still pursuing subbing or other on the side jobs that still allow me to be with Katelyn when needed....which would be ideal, but we will just wait and see how everything turns out. I am trusting what I know, and what I know is that God is a faithful God and will never give us more than we can handle. That, along with my women's bible study is what is helping me hold on. That's another thing......my women's bible study is AMAZING!! I love how God works....He knew exactly what I needed and when I needed it.....my Wisdom for Mothers study is a lifesaver, and I am so thankful for God's timing in bringing this to me. It's so wonderful to meet other moms who have the same struggles that I am having as a mom, wife, and woman, and I am loving learning biblical solutions to handle the demands of motherhood, and awesome mothering skills to help bring up Katelyn as a godly person. Tuesdays are now my favorite day of the week. Lol. I am so glad I found this study while Katelyn is so young....it is completely transforming the course of my mommyhood! And on top of it all, it is helping me to get more in depth into the bible and that in and of itself is its own lifesaver! :) I love reading the bible regularly anyway, but this study is forcing me to get more deep with is, and I love that! 

Anyway, that's my life as of late. Faith in the good times, Faith in the bad times. I can't complain (even though I do at times, lol.....but God always brings me back to where I need to be somehow). I am learning to love life through the struggles and imperfections, and just give it all up to God. 

A little venting sometimes can do a lot of good :)

It's been hard to find time to blog lately, seeing that when Katelyn naps, I use that time for showering, cleaning, and trying to nap myself. Haha, that last one was a good one...nap myself! (Like that ever REALLY gets to happen....whoever said to "sleep when baby sleeps" must not have children...either that, or she is superwoman and can do it all.) 


Anyway, things have been steadily getting better, as far as babygirl goes. She's now almost 6 months old, but about 3-4 months adjusted. Although she has a touch of colic and tummy issues and cries quite a bit, now that she's getting bigger, she is sleeping a little better at night--courtesy of the gripe water we've started giving her to calm her tummy down. That stuff works miracles! It's still hard, but getting a lot more manageable...I've been stressing because she isn't yet caught up, and I've had a hard time comparing her to other babies her age, but once I started to keep in mind her adjusted age and not compare her, I had much more peace of mind. It's just that having a preemie is hard! Everyone thinks it's all fine and dandy once the baby comes home from the NICU, but they don't understand that there's so much more care that goes into it....there are so many things we have to do differently, or just be mindful of  "because she's a preemie", that most parents don't have to worry about. Sometimes I just want to be able to take "general" baby tips/advice  that can be applied to her....I don't want to have to say, "Well, because she's a preemie that might not work for her...." to everything! I love her so much, and am so grateful that God took care of her and answered our prayers, and I am thankful for the journey He put us on, but sometimes I wish that I didn't have to worry about all this preemie stuff, and she didn't always have to have personalized care and I could just go with the flow sometimes.  Anyway, I guess I should stop griping and be thankful (maybe I need some gripe water, lol), it's just good to vent sometimes.....


In other news, well.......well, these days I don't normally have other news since everything is always about Katelyn! Lol. I guess I need to get a life again outside mommyhood, huh? Although I have been thinking about lots of other things lately, just life changes and all that good stuff. It's been hard, fun, weird, and interesting seeing myself go through life stages and changing as I have....as well as others around me. In high school, I was so in la-la land, with such grandiose, "romantic" ideals about life, love, marriage and babies....it's been funny to see those thoughts and ideals get revised as I've grown and had more life experiences...through college in another city, and college at home, to dating, marriage and a baby.....it has been a whirlwind, and I wouldn't change a single part of my journey, for I would not be who I am today if not for those experiences. 
I get a little sad, and nostalgic sometimes to think of some of the changes that have happened in my life, but I know that it is part of life, and that sometimes things we don't want to happen are necessary to keep us on the path we are supposed to be on. 
I knew things (as far as lifestyle choices, relationships/friendships, and life goals) would change once I got pregnant, because I saw those people and their attitudes change basically overnight right before my eyes, but it still hit hard. I never believed the whole  "people who don't have children don't understand until they have their own" saying, but once I experienced it firsthand, I knew that it is so crazy true. Having a child does not put me on a better, or higher "level" than others, but parenthood really is on a different level, all its own. And I get it now....it's hard for people who don't have kids to really know how it is. They can only empathize to a certain extent. I think that has been one of the hardest things to swallow in becoming a new parent....accepting the relational changes that are bound to occur. Of course I was expecting me to change, for the better..... but I wasn't prepared for others in my life to change, and their viewpoint of me and my life, to change. Sometimes I just want to scream to people, "Don't pity me for having a baby! I'm fine, I'm happy, it's not a disease, a disorder, or anything wrong with me, so stop acting like it!" I always thought that even when friends were in different places in their lives that it was okay, and that friends could go along with life down separate paths and still be able to come back and meet in the middle of the proverbial "fork in the road" and still remain close with a little maintenance. But I learned that it takes maintenance on both ends...friendships constantly require upkeep from all parties involved, and when the other parties don't want to do the upkeep or try, there's not much else I can really do. It's just weird, because I always knew that the dynamics of how my friendships worked would change when Katelyn was born, but I never expected the actual relationships to change, or become stagnant and distant, and taper off. I guess I'll never understand it. All I know is that the only people I want to raise Katelyn around are those who put in the effort to stay in my life, so she has a good example of the kind of relationships/friendships she should pursue in her life. I want Godly, lasting friendships, not fickle ones that go wherever the wind takes em. I don't mean to be complaining about this, I'm just having a hard time with it. I could go on and on, but I won't anymore. I'm too drained, so I'm gonna leave this unfinished. Blah.

It's been 5 months since I last blogged, and my oh my how life has changed!!

Well, the last time I blogged I was a 28 week pregnant woman, dreading the stress of the impending end of the 2010-2011 schoolyear, as well as the thought of being pregnant for another 12 weeks throughout the hottest summer since 1980. On April 14, I was blogging about my daughter's future, and little did I know that just 2 weeks later she would be gracing this world with her beautiful, surprising presence!


The last 4-5 months have been a huge roller coaster....on April 26th the course of my pregnancy changed for good......
I will not go on forever about details, so to make a long story short, on April 26th I wobbled  in for my weekly appointment at 30 weeks pregnant (yes, I started having weekly appointments at around 25 or 26 weeks due to some complications), and was told that due to very high blood pressure and increasing edema, I needed to have bloodwork done to be tested for the possibility of preeclampsia, which can be very serious and life threatening for the baby and mother during labor. So about 2 days later, my husband took me to the ER at 4am because I was feeling sick and having cramps and chest pains, and sure enough, I had severe preeclampsia. Originally my doctor's goal was to keep me on bedrest in the hospital and get me to 34 weeks, but when they saw my protein levels (over 10,000, when normal level is around 300), they decided that Katelyn and I were both safer with her out of the womb, and that they needed to induce asap to deliver the baby. This was the morning of Friday April 29th, so from then on, they induced, wanting to deliver naturally, but after over 24 hours of labor, I had to have an emergency c-section when the baby's heartrate started dropping rapidly. (Which I knew was going to happen because she was 2 1/2 pounds so I knew she couldn't handle going through the birth canal.) That was the scariest part, because they wisked me away, (without Matt being able to be in the room) knocked me out, and within like 10 minutes Katelyn was born at 12:36 pm on Saturday, April 30th, weighing 2.9lbs, and 14 1/2 inches long.
It was not the labor and delivery scenario I pictured.....I always pictured Matt being there holding my hand, seeing his daughter being born, and getting to cut the cord....I pictured the joyous crying at the end of it all, with us getting to see her and hold her for a second before they took her to clean her off. But since it had to happen so fast, and she was 2.9lbs and in danger, and I was drugged up, Matt wasn't there, and I didn't get to see her until the next day. I wasn't even "awake" or coherent since I was put under anesthesia, and they rushed her off to the NICU and I to recovery......I don't remember much of that day, and I hate that that is the memory I will always have of the moment she was born---nothing at all.  :(
Anyway, 8 days later I got to go home, but Katelyn had to stay in the NICU. She was there for just over 5 weeks, and it was the longest 5 weeks of my life. But I did learn how strong I was, and how absolutely  FAITHFUL  God is. If not for Him, i wouldn't have made it. By the grace of God, and the WONDERFUL angels on earth, (aka the NICU nurses and doctors),  she got to come home at 4.5lbs. on June 7, 2011.  Since her birth, it has been nothing but chaos. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I had my baby showers AFTER she was born, finished her nursery AFTER she was born, and have been up to my knees in stress and chaos. But our miracle is home and doing well, and I can't complain about that! She is now about 18 weeks old, and just over 10 pounds. Her doctor is very impressed with how well she is gaining weight, and has full confidence that she will be all caught up by her first birthday!
So much more than I can explain and write about has been going on,  but I haven't had the time to write about every little detail over the last 5 months, and I'm so sad that I've neglected to document and share all of that with you....but my goal is to truly start from now on......stay tuned, as I will be blogging at least once a month to give monthly updates on our sweet miracle from God! :)

A letter to Katelyn.....

I have been keeping up with a real journal for Katelyn throughout my pregnancy, and writing her letters for when she's an adult, but recently I was inspired by a blog written by my favorite radio host Liz Jordan from KSBJ  (she and I are due a week apart and both having girls) to write to Katelyn about her future husband, and so I thought I'd share my letter here....because it's never too early to start praying for the man who will be lucky enough to win the heart of our babygirl.  :)

Dear Katelyn,

So much has been going on lately that has got me thinking about the future, and I got to thinking about your future husband to be. It hit me that even though you are still in my tummy, it's never too early to pray for the man who will sweep you off your feet and into a life of awe-inspiring beauty and love. I wonder if he is already born? Is he from Europe, or California, or Wisconsin or somewhere else far away? I wonder if he is learning to walk, or making his parents laugh with silly facial expressions? I wonder if he'll have blue eyes or blonde hair? I wonder if he likes to sing and dance? Wherever he is, I know that God has already formed him in His image, and, just like He knows every detail of you, He knows everything about him also. I know that God knows the plan for his life already, and for the two of yours together. It takes my breath away thinking of all the adventures God has in store for his life, and the things that will happen to him to mold him into the man he will become, on his journey to finding you. I wonder what he'll think the first time he lays eyes on you....I wonder what he will look like, and how you two will meet each other. I can't wait for the day to get the phone call or visit from you, excitedly telling me every little detail about him.....about the first conversations, and how your stomach had butterflies the first time he held your hand, or put his arm around you.....about your first date....about how he proposes. I can't wait for you to be able to experience those things with your future husband. 

Love is such a beautiful, amazing, awe-inspiring and life changing experience and I can't wait to see what God has in store for you and your future husband's journey together. There will be hard times along the way, (and times you will want to ring his neck), but I know that with a mutual love for and faith in the Lord, you will be able to get through any and all of love's challenges with God by your side. And me, of course....I'll always be there to see  you through any challenge you face. 

I pray for the man who is to become your husband, and for your future marriage....I pray that he will be a gentleman, a spiritual leader for you and your family, and an example of what a provider should be, and that his goal in life is to be as Christ-like as possible in all his endeavors.  I also pray that as you grow up you will take notice throughout the years of how wonderful a man your dad is, and see the example he is setting for what a husband should be. I pray that you see how hard and how much he works for, and takes care of us, and loves us to the depths of his innermost being. I pray that you see what kind of husband you want and deserve when you look at the kind of man your dad is. 

I am so excited to get to watch you experience these things in your journey through life....I know that right now that is years off in the future, but I love thinking about who you will become and the experiences you'll have. (To quote one of my favorite books, "Oh, the places you'll go!")  It excites me to my core. And I hope you will always know throughout life that your dad and I will always be there no matter what to see you through all these experiences, good or bad. You already bring so much joy and love to us and you're not even  here yet....I can't fathom how much more light and joy you are going to bring to us once you are here, but I know that it will only get better. So I hope you know as you go through this life how special you are, and what you deserve....because I know you are going to be one of a kind, babygirl! 

Love, 

Momma

Random Sunday morning thoughts......

So it never fails that I'm never able to sleep in on the weekends. So here I am, up with a million different thoughts:


-Katelyn isn't even born yet, and I've already started thinking about and scheming ideas in my head for her first bday party....is that bad? (I'm officially obsessed with birthday parties)
-I'm working on becoming a domesticated diva....(minus the cooking part)....I'm really getting into decorating, home improvement (even though we don't own our house yet), scrapbooking, and organizing.....now I just need the money to put all my ideas in motion....or the time to scavenger hunt for good bargains and turn them into great finds! 
-I need to have a garage sale BIGTIME. 
-Better Homes and Gardens is my new fav magazine by the way!
-I am seriously going crazy thinking about scrapbooking Katelyn's life away.
-I would so move to Austin if we could stand to be away from our family and friends.....plus there's no way we are going to raise Katelyn away from her family.
- I have really been craving pancakes lately!
-My dog just ate a baby possum or rat or something outside....there is no way he is getting his morning kisses from me now! And good thing he has his rabies shots! 
-I am ready to just plop down into a pool for the next 3 months....I got a new maternity bathing suit and I am ready to put it to use!! 
-Anyone have a pool I can come lounge around by for the next 3 months?  :)
-The next 8 weeks cannot go by fast enough...workwise.....
-I am ridiculously in nesting mode and I want everything in order for Katelyn now!! That's all I can think about! 
-When I found out I was pregnant, I started writing a journal for Katelyn....it's bee fun adding to it throughout this pregnancy and telling her all about our experiences.....I'm so keeping it up until she's 18 and giving it to her at her graduation.
-In case you couldn't already tell, most of these random thoughts have to do with my babygirl to be.....I know, I'm a bit obsessed! :)

To Spank, or Not to Spank?

So I've always had a strong personal opinion on this topic, but now that I am becoming a parent myself, it's really been weighing on my mind more often. Now, before I go off on a tangent on my soap box, here me when I say I'm not intending to cause a sparked debate or controversy, and I'm not against spanking, but I'm not completely for it either. I am not one of those people who are crazy advocates of not spanking, but I don't like the stereotypical views that old school, hardcore pro-spanking people have against those of us who don't believe that spanking should be the first or necessarily the most appropriate option for discipline. And I'm so glad that my hubby and I are on the same page with this topic! 
Yes, at one point in high school and some of college, I WAS 100% against spanking, but after getting my psychology degree and taking multiple child abuse and child psychology classes in college, and becoming a teacher, the research and classroom has caused me to sway onto the moderate side within the last 5-6 years. I consider myself in the middle when it comes to spanking children, because I do believe that spanking has its place and effectiveness, but I have a lot of beef with many spanking principles that a lot of people have, and I don't think a lot of people get how it should be...I don't always think that spanking is the best discipline choice. 
So, soap box turned ON:
 It's really annoying to see or hear about parents spanking their children 24/7, but not doing it right, then wondering and complaining about why their child's behavior hasn't changed. I believe spanking has its time and place, but the problem I have is that many parents don't spank effectively. I know I don't have personal experience with my own child YET, but growing up being spanked, and with all the years of research I've done on this, I believe that there is a right way to spank, and it won't work unless the child is old enough to have a discussion about and understand why they were spanked and why their behavior was not acceptable.


Another problem is that so many parents spank out of anger, not out of love, or to teach right from wrong, like it should be. I was spanked as a child, and I love my parents, but I must say that it never did one bit of good for me. Why? Because I could always see that I was being spanked out of anger, just because my parents were mad about what I did, and they wanted me to stop my immediate behavior. There was never a discussion about my behavior, or why it wasn't okay, or what would happen in the future if I did it again. Sure it got me to stop momentarily, but I never learned anything from it, and almost always the behavior occurred again in the future. It just grinds my gears when I see people spanking this way, because it really just fosters resentment from the child as they grow up. 
I'm not saying it's easy to discipline effectively, but I believe it's definitely necessary and vital to successfully raising an emotionally stable, healthy child. I think sometimes spanking is the best option, but shouldn't always be the first resort that parents run to. I believe that other disciplinary options, like positive reinforcement, time outs, and taking away privileges are great places to start, depending on the severity of the behavior. And spanking will never be effective if the child doesn't understand the reasoning behind the spanking. Without that, they will never learn, and the behavior will most likely return and even increase in time. Now I definitely will spank my children whenever necessary and when it appropriately fits the behavior as the best consequence, but never will it be without a discussion. And I feel that this is the best way to effectively spank. It just hurts my heart when I see parents hindering their children's emotional wellbeing by using spanking for their own personal issues, and not for the sake of teaching right from wrong....that's why so many children grow up resentful, and with anger issues today....I'm not saying that's the only reason and parents are fully to blame, but it's a huge part of the issue I think. 
And I don't mean to harp on parents who are guilty of spanking this way, and I don't mean to hit any controversial buttons or imply that parents are "bad parents" if they spank ineffectively....I am not judging anyone or their parenting skills here...I understand that I am low on the totem pole when it comes to experience with my own child, since she is still in the womb....I just believe that the only way for anyone to ever learn or change is to get the dialogue going, and minds thinking about how to be the best and most effective parent they can be. Being a teacher has taught me so much about children's behaviors and motivations, and I've seen how big of a problem the parents CAN be. Not spanking at all can be just as huge of a hindrance for a child as spanking ineffectively, depending on the child and the parent. But what's important is to get people thinking about how to not necessarily spank better, but DISCIPLINE better. That's all this is, me thinking about what I want my parenting style to be as I  raise my babygirl. Because in the end, that's what it's all about right? The children.....and guiding them to become healthy, emotionally stable children and successful adults. 
Okay, Soap Box OFF. 
Sorry for the tangent, I've just always felt strongly about this, and it's been on my mind a lot more lately since I'm expecting, and Matt and I have been thinking about how we want to raise our babygirl Katelyn. I'm just thankful I have a loving hubby who agrees with this philosophy! So, yeah, that's all for now....hopefully no one was offended by this....it was not meant to start any debate or controversy.....just my thoughts and opinions!  :) 

We are having a girl!!!!

So, we've finally announced that we are expecting a baby girl! We found out on Valentine's Day, so it was very special!
The day was perfect....Matt and I both worked a half day, and in the afternoon had my doctor appointment. I wore my pink Valentine's Day shirt to try to give us some "girl" good luck.....and it worked, haha! In the waiting room I was so anxious and nervous that either it was going to be a boy, or that we weren't going to get to find out....seeing as both Matt and I are very stubborn people, I will be surprised if this baby is not very stubborn also. Anyway, all my nerves went away the moment we stepped into the ultrasound room. It was like a calm just came over me, and although I can't explain it, I just knew at that moment that we were having a girl.
So we get started, and, of course baby is very stubborn and would not open her legs to get a good picture! We could see a little bit, and since I was with my sister when she found out the sex of her child, I knew what to look for and where to look....so even though the nurse wasn't saying yet, I knew it was a girl just by looking at the small area we could see. There was nothing sticking out anywhere to indicate it was a boy. The baby was so stubborn that the ultrasound nurse was tapping on my tummy with the rolling device to try to get her to move....which was WAAAAY uncomfy for me because I already had to use the bathroom very badly. Anyway, at the end, the nurse just said, "Well, she's a little stubborn now isn't she?" And that confirmed it. She had known since the beginning, but didn't say it was a girl because she wanted to get a clearer picture. So anyway, that was that. Matt and I held hands, and were so happy....I was tearing up, and I swear I thought Matt was, but he won't admit it. :) 
It was such a special Valentine's Day...our first as a married couple, and with a baby on the way, and we got to find out the gender of the baby....so much love happening! When we were done we celebrated by having an early dinner at Chili's....it was so nice to keep up our tradition of always spending Valentine's Day alone together.....I know some people like to spend it with other friends or family, but we always cherish the day as OURS for just us.....and now baby girl too.  :)


Anyway, it was very hard to keep this news secret all week until Saturday when we had our gender reveal party. Everyone at work and our friends were trying to trip me up, and I did have a few slips, but luckily no one got too suspicious. So we had our party last Saturday, and it was so much fun. My mom was so surprised that she was wrong..she was dead set on it being a boy. Oh well. :)  So now that the cat is outta the bag, the real fun can begin!! We cannot wait to go register, and all I can think of now is pretty pink girly stuff! 
So that's all that's really been going on lately....it's hard to write about other things because this is really what my life is now....besides work, family, and the baby, we don't do much else.  Although I am going to go take a nap and enjoy resting for the rest of today since I am home sick from work. Sick = No Good....but  I hope you all have a Happy Monday! 

Trusting God during this new season of our life

In the last 6 months to year, with all the life changes I've experienced, I've seen God work in so many wonderful ways, yet put many difficult tests and situations before me. As hard as some stuff has been, I am thanking and praising Him for these tests, because I've realized that it's all to better build my trust in Him. Now, I consider myself someone who tries to follow God in everything I do, but it can be hard in everyday circumstances. I guess over the last few months, God has seen my trust in Him waver a little, so he started pushing me further. And I didn't see the purpose until this morning, for some reason. It's easy to quote bible scriptures, and other quotes or messages to people, on facebook, or wherever.....but is it as easy to follow what those quotes or messages teach us? Not always....and so while I thought I was following Him, it just hit me this morning, that while I was trying with every good intention in me, I was lacking in the 100% trust and faith department. 

Let me explain:

God tells us to trust Him, and have faith in Him no matter what. And I thought I was doing a pretty good job of that in my life. Until I started getting these lessons, or tests of faith from God, which have pushed my trust and faith to the brink. 

Test #1: Matt and I get pregnant 2 months into our marriage: Now our plan was to start trying around March to July 2011 so we could recover our finances from the wedding, and have time to enjoy being married without children.....but, as you know, here it is Feb. 2011 and I'm almost 5 months pregnant. Now don't get me wrong, I am loving and embracing this blessing, but it has been rough to have to change our plan for God's plan. Most people would freak out and go crazy. I've always known that God has a reason for everything He does, but following that belief 100% of the time is hard.  Especially since I am so neurotically crazy about planning my whole life away....I think He did this to get me to stop planning 24/7 for the rest of my life. He gave us this whirlwind surprise to get me back onto the "Trust Train".  I see now that the purpose of His timing for our pregnancy, is so that we can trust that although we aren't financially where we want to be and have doubts about how we are going to afford and raise this baby, He will bring us through it. It's not always easy to do what God wants us to do, but I'm realizing now that with faith He always brings you through what you think is the impossible. He always creates a way. 

Test #2: Changing relationships:  Since we have gotten married and pregnant, God has done a good job of showing me who our real true friends are. Now I know as people grow up and change, and life happens, you do tend to lose some people in your life, or relationships change due to those experiences. But wow, I was really shocked to see from my friends, as well as Matt's, who stayed in our life and who left once we got married and pregnant. I don't mean people who aren't close friends, or just acquantainces....I mean close friends who you'd think would always be there no matter what. I understand even the closest friendships change as you get older, but there are some I never expected to change or diminish the way they have. I expected some people to not understand, but it's hard stuff when it's the people you don't expect. So God has brought this situation in our lives to see how strong our faith is in Him. This was really hard for me especially, because I had a hard time understanding how my closest friends could just change on me and Matt and "leave" all of a sudden when I got pregnant. I don't want to lose friends, but as this experience has changed me, I'm realizing more and more that God is doing us a favor, and he doesn't want me to fight it. He is making way and clearing room for the people that matter most, and are true friends. Because Lord knows when this baby gets here, we will need all the support, love, and help we can get from friends and family. And we won't have room or time for the people who get upset that we can't go out partying because we don't have a babysitter, or when my morning and night sickness from being pregnant is too much for me to handle. And we won't have room for the people who are too selfish to understand that my baby will come first, and those who stop coming around because they don't want to be around children. God has been making room for the people who understand, and we are going to need in our lives once the baby is here, and I am just now seeing this "trust test" as a good thing. So thanks, God! I am now trusting that the people who have left my life have left for the best.

Test # 3: The actual process of giving birth to this baby: I have no shame in admitting that as much as I love being pregnant, and can't wait for our baby to be here, I am scared out of my mind of the labor and delivery. The only time I've ever been a patient in a hospital is when I was born myself...I've never had any surgery, or been sick for any reason. While I am thankful for my health, I  fear that because of this, I have no idea what to expect, and it's going to be harder on me. I don't like medicine, blood, needles, or anything having to do with a hospital, so it's been scary trying to prepare for what I am going to go through in about 4 months. I am terrified beyond belief of pain, and I've heard so many comforting words from others, but I still am terrified. I'm more terrified of the epidural I think, than the actual labor and delivery part. And I've been praying to God every night to help take care of me during this time and to calm my worries and stress, and so far that's been okay. But I realized a few days ago, that it works only when I'm in prayer with God. I am faithful and assured that He will be right there holding my hand every step of the way during delivery, WHILE I am praying to Him about it. During the day when I think about it, I start to lose that faith for some reason, and let the fear creep in. It's weird, because I tell myself I know it will be okay because God will be there taking care of me and the baby, but I still am fearful. So this made me wonder, "Have I really put 100% trust in God in this situation, if I'm still scared about it?" And I think the answer is no. Someone once told me that God gives you 9 months (10 really) to prepare for a child for a reason. And I know part of that reason is for me to prepare myself for the labor part, and to learn to trust that God will be there for me and the baby. I haven't been doing that 100% of the time, more like only 50 or 60%. So this pregnancy has also been an endurance test for me, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually to trust in Him. I know it is normal to have some worries and concerns during childbirth, but because of my faith, I feel like I should know better....and so I am really working on trusting that God will wash away all my worries and fears of childbirth on the day I give birth. 

So, there you have it. Those are the 3 biggest tests God has been pushing on me these last few months. This pregnancy is such a blessing for Matt and I, but it has brought on so many struggles as well. And I know that it's all for a reason....a bigger purpose, and it will be worth it in the end. In hindsight these things won't matter down the road, but I believe God put these struggles in my life for a reason, to really teach me and build my trust and faith in him 100% of the time. Or at least to try. I know it's hard for us as humans to trust God 100% of the time....but I think what's important to Him is that we live our life TRYING to do just that. I wouldn't be where I am today, or WHO I am today without all of the struggles, or teaching opportunities God has put in my life. I've had many over the years, and so as ambivalent as I feel about some of these new changes and struggles in my life, I welcome them with open arms.....because ultimately I know that these situations are building and shaping me to become closer to the person I am supposed to be, who God wants me to be.
So thank you God, for giving me all of the struggles and tests you've put before me. I am learning to trust in the reasons You do so. 

Selfishness: To Be, Or Not To Be?

I am really getting into the blog swing of things, aren't I? 2 in one weekend!

So, lately I've really been thinking about selfishness. My selfishness, others' selfishness, and selfishness in the world. I always used to think of it as a bad thing, but more recently I've seen that sometimes there is a need to be selfish in life. I've never considered myself to be selfish in the aspect that I only care about myself and my own wants and needs. I think I've always done a good job of being there for others, and giving of myself even when I don't quite have the stamina to do it, or get anything out of it. I've never cared about getting anything back in return, I just cared about being a good, kind person and trying to be Christ-like and altruistic in my endeavors. When others said I was being weak, or letting others walk all over me and take advantage, I brushed it aside and thought, "No, I'm just being a good friend no matter what."

But now I'm starting to see the light, so to speak. So I ask, when should you stop and say "Hold on now, I'm done being taken advantage of and made to feel this way." When does selfishness go from being necessary, to just plain mean and needy and non-understanding? I've learned lately that there is a fine line. When is it okay to take a second and say I really need to be selfish for myself in this situation?

I never thought of selfishness of a good kind in the past, because I've only experienced it from others in a needy, "me, me, me" kind of way. But now that I'm married and have a baby on the way (sorry guys, I know I relate everything back to being a wife and mommy), I see that there are times when you must be selfish for the wellbeing of your family, even if it's at the cost of others' happiness and what they want. I am learning that being a wife and mother means that I can and should be selfish in certain instances to look out for my family and what they want and need. I haven't always done that, and I may have been a little selfish in ways I'm just now understanding, but I see now. I see that it's okay for me to be selfish, and not do things or be there for other friends or family sometimes. Because that's part of life. As much as I don't like the sound of this, my life isn't about partying, and friends, and being there for any and everyone in my life 24/7. There is a time for that, yes, but more importantly, there is a time for being selfish in my own right, and do what I need for my husband and baby to be. And I think I deserve that right now. I deserve, after all the sacrifices, and selfless giving I've given over the years, to say "Hey, enough is enough! This is my time to get what I need, and not worry about others." So that's how I'll be living my life. Now I'll still be giving and selfless....I'm not saying I'm going to go all out and be crazy selfish in the bad sense....only in the necessary sense. I know what it says about being selfish in the bible, so that conflicts me when I think about all the selflessness God has shown, and shows everyday for us.

So, I started thinking again.....maybe there isn't an "acceptable" selfishness after all......maybe what I'm feeling is a need to have a good balance between giving selflessly to friends, family, and others in this world, while still taking care of myself and family and being responsible, without letting others walk all over me and make me feel bad for it. No one can make me feel bad, without me accepting that first, and I'm not going to do it anymore. So is there a "good" and "bad" selfishness? I'm still not sure, but I do know that this is something people in the world should really give a lot of thought to. I know it's a lot more complex than just what I've expressed here....there's many other facets a person can look at. My goal is just to make sure I have balance and the lines aren't blurred between giving of myself, and taking care of myself and family.

Baby update....sorry, there's not much else going on in my life!

Since I'm trying to get more into writing blogs, I've been getting ideas from other friend's pages lately. So I stole this 5 question survey from a friend, and thought I would post it here...

1. Where did you meet your spouse and did you instantly know it was love?

We met through mutual friends at random parties and gatherings.....I didn't know it was love instantly, because our relationship started off slow....but once it got started, I knew he was the man I was going to marry. :)

2. What is your favorite room in your house?

Right now, it is our living room, because it's the only room that has a tv, and I love the movie/tv date nights with the hubs lounging around on the couch.....once we finish our bedroom though and get a tv in there, I think there will be many a night laying around in bed.

3. Can you wiggle your ears?
Nope lol.

4. What is your evening ritual?
It's become quite different since I've gotten pregnant....Come home, get a snack, (or dinner depending on the time), watch tv/read/facebook or play online/grade papers while lounging, then go to bed around 9-10pm. On the weekends, if we are staying in, it's pretty much the same....if we go out, it just depends.

5. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
I'm chronically tired 24/7, so I think I need at least 7-8....if I had to, I could do it on less, but not 100%.

Anyway, January has continued to not let me down so far! Work has been super busy lately, but things are working out. I have been better about using prayer more often to help me de-stress, and I feel more and more refreshed everyday.

Now that I am in my 2nd trimester most of the sickness has gone away, although I still get a lot of acid reflux after dinnertime, and the headaches my doctor warned me about have really picked up. I'm glad that there is some medicine I can take while prego, but I still don't want to depend on that because I'd like to take the least amount of meds as possible just to be on the safe side.

Here is some info from my pregnancy calendar at week 16 (Even though I'm almost 17 weeks now).

Over the past three weeks your astounding growing baby has managed to stretch yet another 2 full inches (totaling about 4.5 inches) and weighs around 3.5 ounces. Yessireee, that’s some pretty serious growth... and with it comes several physical developments! For starters, their head to body ratio is finally starting to even out a bit as the rest of the body is actually growing faster than the head at this point. Yes, your little light bulb is not so top-heavy. Their adorable little limbs have lengthened, almost reaching their normal proportions which they will have at birth. Their eyes are still closed but moving and if you had an ultrasound, which many doctors recommend you have at about this time, you may even see your little one sucking on a thumb, not to mention the necessary signifiers to let you know whether you’ve got a wee lad or lassie.

So our next appointment is Tuesday, and we probably could find out the sex, but since I'm not getting an ultrasound at this appointment, I'll probably have to wait about 3 more weeks until my next appointment. I cannot wait though, I've been thinking about my baby shower and looking at baby stuff to register for since the moment I found out I was pregnant, and once we find out the sex, we can finally make more finalized plans! I am amazed that in just a few weeks I will be half way though the pregnancy....it doesn't seem like it's been that long since we found out, but it's been almost 3 months. I can't believe it!!

So anyway, I feel like I haven't had much to talk about but babies, but that's all that's really been going on lately, so sorry if it's boring you. LOL. In other news, I am trying to look for more decorating tips, and we are buying some furniture soon, so now that I'm starting to look more into all that, I will post more pics and ideas I have for things I like. I'm about to go hardcore into some scrapbooking, so I'll update more on that when I get there. My first goal is to spend less time on the computer, so I have more time to do the other things I'm really interested in. So we'll see! :)

Changes

So, as I look around at other blogs, I got so many cute ideas for making my blog cute, like putting up pictures, and adding fun little things here and there, but since technology and I don't mix, I got discouraged because it seems like too much effort lol. But I am adamant about trying, and keeping up with this blog, so I figured it was time to write again.

We are 8 days into 2011, and it's already starting off great. I am still feeling sick at night, but since it's the same time every night, my doctor thought I might have acid reflux, so since I've started taking Pepcid AC I have felt so much better! I thought it was odd because I've never had acid reflux before, but apparently some women get it just while they're pregnant. I sure hope it goes away after the baby is here! Other than that, I'm feeling better as I get into my 2nd trimester. I'm 14 weeks and 4 days today, and I am getting bigger and bigger each day, but I don't think I've gained too much excess weight so far, so that's good. That's something I've been worried about because I don't wanna gain anything extra that is not for baby. I am starting to show, and my clothes are tight, so I broke down and started wearing maternity clothes. They are actually quite comfy, and I hate to say that I wish I could wear clothes like this even when I'm not prego! Haha! Anyway, I am starting to enjoy being pregnant a lot more, now that I am feeling better, I'm still tired 24/7, but I was like that before the pregnancy. We can't wait to find out the sex of the baby, and although we are hoping for a girl, we will be happy with a boy also. We just want a healthy baby no matter what. I'm actually enjoying the thought of having a boy a little bit more now, because the stores actually carry cuter boy stuff, or at least, more of a selection when it comes to bedding, clothes, and cute little things. So we'll be fine with whatever God wants to give us.

I have already started planning our "gender party" for close family and friends, and that has been fun. I know the new thing is for the couple to find out the sex at the party with everyone else around, but we want that moment to be intimate and special for just the two of us, so we are going to have the gender party just to reveal the sex to others, and we are going to find out alone. That should happen in about 5 or 6 weeks, depending on our lil nugget's cooperation. :) I can't wait though, because I want to start buying stuff and registering! I know we can still get some unisex stuff already, but I really don't want a lot of unisex clothes for baby. Some are okay, but I really want mostly girl or boy stuff depending on what it is. I know that's bad, but I can't help it. :)

Anyway, I am so excited for what God is planning for our future. Lately I've been feeling a little upset about some things, but I know in the long run it's not going to be important. It's been interesting to see some people change their perception of me, and how they act towards me now that I'm pregnant. I know that things change in many ways once you have a baby, and Matt and I are both happy about those changes because we know they are for the better, not for the worse. But it's a little disheartening when we both have some people that are supposedly friends who start treating you like your life is over, and that having a baby is such a horrible thing because you can't do certain things, like going out drinking all night and stuff. Well, newflash: I don't want to have that lifestyle, where I waste away each day just partying emptilessly (I know that's not a word, but it feels like the best description of what I'm trying to say). I'm fine with not partying, I'm fine with staying home and being with my husband, I'm fine with staying home with my baby, or instead of crazy parties, going to kids birthday parties or functions. That's what life is all about, and that's what I look forward to and want as I grow older. And that doesn't make me "old", or "boring". I understand that we know people who are in different places in their lives, and that's fine---I don't knock them for the lifestyles they choose, so it makes me sad that they would knock me for wanting to grow up and have a family. Just because I've grown up doesn't mean I've lost who I am, or lost my childlike spirit or zest for life. Maybe I'm naive, but I just always thought that even though my friends and I may be in different places in our lives, I didn't think that getting married and having a baby would cause them to look at me differently or change our friendship. Okay, change maybe in some ways, but not dissolve. And I thought the changes that happened would be for the better. But now I'm starting to see that that's happening, and while I was sad at first, I know now that God has put the people that we need in our lives, and if some people don't want to stay in our lives now that we are married and have a baby on the way, then that's fine. I really don't mind....I want friends that are going to uplift me, and be happy for the awesome milestones and changes in my life, and want to share them with me. Because when the time is right for my friends to go through these life changes, I can't wait to be there to celebrate and share those things with them. And if they don't ever want those things, that's fine too....I don't knock them for not ever wanting to get married or have a baby.

So, I've realized now more than ever that there are some people who are meant to be in your life a short time only, and there are true friends that God gives you for a lifetime, no matter what kind of changes occur. And I'm so happy that I have a great group of select few friends who I know will be there until the end of time....well, my time. :)

Sorry for the long blog, I have just really wanted to vent about some of these things lately. I'm so excited for what God is doing in our lives, and I know what's really important in the long run. Stay tuned until next time, I have a lot more to post and update everyone on, just don't have the time now. :)