It's been hard to find time to blog lately, seeing that when Katelyn naps, I use that time for showering, cleaning, and trying to nap myself. Haha, that last one was a good one...nap myself! (Like that ever REALLY gets to happen....whoever said to "sleep when baby sleeps" must not have children...either that, or she is superwoman and can do it all.)
Anyway, things have been steadily getting better, as far as babygirl goes. She's now almost 6 months old, but about 3-4 months adjusted. Although she has a touch of colic and tummy issues and cries quite a bit, now that she's getting bigger, she is sleeping a little better at night--courtesy of the gripe water we've started giving her to calm her tummy down. That stuff works miracles! It's still hard, but getting a lot more manageable...I've been stressing because she isn't yet caught up, and I've had a hard time comparing her to other babies her age, but once I started to keep in mind her adjusted age and not compare her, I had much more peace of mind. It's just that having a preemie is hard! Everyone thinks it's all fine and dandy once the baby comes home from the NICU, but they don't understand that there's so much more care that goes into it....there are so many things we have to do differently, or just be mindful of "because she's a preemie", that most parents don't have to worry about. Sometimes I just want to be able to take "general" baby tips/advice that can be applied to her....I don't want to have to say, "Well, because she's a preemie that might not work for her...." to everything! I love her so much, and am so grateful that God took care of her and answered our prayers, and I am thankful for the journey He put us on, but sometimes I wish that I didn't have to worry about all this preemie stuff, and she didn't always have to have personalized care and I could just go with the flow sometimes. Anyway, I guess I should stop griping and be thankful (maybe I need some gripe water, lol), it's just good to vent sometimes.....
In other news, well.......well, these days I don't normally have other news since everything is always about Katelyn! Lol. I guess I need to get a life again outside mommyhood, huh? Although I have been thinking about lots of other things lately, just life changes and all that good stuff. It's been hard, fun, weird, and interesting seeing myself go through life stages and changing as I have....as well as others around me. In high school, I was so in la-la land, with such grandiose, "romantic" ideals about life, love, marriage and babies....it's been funny to see those thoughts and ideals get revised as I've grown and had more life experiences...through college in another city, and college at home, to dating, marriage and a baby.....it has been a whirlwind, and I wouldn't change a single part of my journey, for I would not be who I am today if not for those experiences.
I get a little sad, and nostalgic sometimes to think of some of the changes that have happened in my life, but I know that it is part of life, and that sometimes things we don't want to happen are necessary to keep us on the path we are supposed to be on.
I knew things (as far as lifestyle choices, relationships/friendships, and life goals) would change once I got pregnant, because I saw those people and their attitudes change basically overnight right before my eyes, but it still hit hard. I never believed the whole "people who don't have children don't understand until they have their own" saying, but once I experienced it firsthand, I knew that it is so crazy true. Having a child does not put me on a better, or higher "level" than others, but parenthood really is on a different level, all its own. And I get it now....it's hard for people who don't have kids to really know how it is. They can only empathize to a certain extent. I think that has been one of the hardest things to swallow in becoming a new parent....accepting the relational changes that are bound to occur. Of course I was expecting me to change, for the better..... but I wasn't prepared for others in my life to change, and their viewpoint of me and my life, to change. Sometimes I just want to scream to people, "Don't pity me for having a baby! I'm fine, I'm happy, it's not a disease, a disorder, or anything wrong with me, so stop acting like it!" I always thought that even when friends were in different places in their lives that it was okay, and that friends could go along with life down separate paths and still be able to come back and meet in the middle of the proverbial "fork in the road" and still remain close with a little maintenance. But I learned that it takes maintenance on both ends...friendships constantly require upkeep from all parties involved, and when the other parties don't want to do the upkeep or try, there's not much else I can really do. It's just weird, because I always knew that the dynamics of how my friendships worked would change when Katelyn was born, but I never expected the actual relationships to change, or become stagnant and distant, and taper off. I guess I'll never understand it. All I know is that the only people I want to raise Katelyn around are those who put in the effort to stay in my life, so she has a good example of the kind of relationships/friendships she should pursue in her life. I want Godly, lasting friendships, not fickle ones that go wherever the wind takes em. I don't mean to be complaining about this, I'm just having a hard time with it. I could go on and on, but I won't anymore. I'm too drained, so I'm gonna leave this unfinished. Blah.
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